;& this shall be my turning point
I'm truly sorry, I'm sorry for not cherishing all of you that have been caring and concerning for me all these while, I'm truly sorry. I know I haven't been a good daughter, a good friend and lastly a good person. I really hope that I'll be given a second chance to prove myself to you. Daddy, mummy and jiejie, I'm really sorry. I know that words can't express how regrettful I am but I just want you all to know that I'm going to change and be a better person.
On thursday night something REALLY bad happened, and I'm totally BLOWN away. It definately served as a wake-up call. A real turning point that I never expected to happen. I regretted doing this. I have always resisted doing it, and never ever given in to the temptations but why that night I did? Why couldn't I be more persistent? Why wasn't I more determined and clear-headed? Why did I went to do something that I clearly know was so so so harmful to me? Why was I so stupid? And let my family down again.
The moment my dad heard my call and the reason of the call, he was totally disappointed. I know, because I could hear his loud sigh and could feel the huge heart-breaking feeling in him. I'm sorry daddy. When the PO called upon me, and I followed him out and through the glass I saw daddy and mummy, my heart sank and fell. I saw my parents who are in their fifties coming all the way down to bring me home. At that point of time, I knew that i was breaking their hearts so much, since I was a child til now I've been such a rebellious kid. And I've never learn to cherish the people around me. Deep down in me, I knew that I love these two old folks so so much but why couldn't I just put my love into actions?
On the car, daddy was on the phone with uncle john and was talking about me. After some time, uncle john said he wanted to have a word with me. When I was on the line with him, O could feel how much he cared for me. He advised me on so many things and tried to console me and told me what was right and how I should handle it. He even said that if anything were to happen, and if i need to go for 1 year, and after I'm out, he'll bring me to migrate to other countries. Uncle john was saying ALL THESE to me. It was the first time I felt so close to him. Like a father, he's been there all these while. But I didnt feel it, I thought he had always been closer to jiejie.
When we reached home, jiejie talked to me after her bath, she was so upset and agitated. We started crying and yelling at me, I've realised my mistakes. She told me uncle john cried while telling her what happened to me. Why do I have to make everyone upset and worried for? Thes two women in my life have been people who've wastched me grow and love me more than anything or anyone else, but I've repeatedly hurt them over and over again.
You might be thinking so hard what I'm talking about. I'm sorry I'm just not saying what is it about. And the reason why I'm only blogging it now is because I couldn't bring myself to do this. I really couldn't, each time I thought to myself that it was time to blog and each time it'll just come to my mind how hard it'll be for me to do so. It's just taking so much of my courage and I'm so upset to talk about. I'm just hoping so hard and praying so hard that on the 26th everything will be ok, IO would tell me that I'll be given a second chance and just continue to study. Last but not least, I just want to apologise to my family and to everyone that loves me.
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